WHO WILL TOSS MY SALAD?
by Para2dise
Summary: when bellas new neighbours move in they bring a lot of noise with them interrupting her silence. She catches the eye of player edward. will it turn out into a love story or a hatred filled convention?rated m for lemons.E/B A/J Em/R All human.


WHO WILL TOSS MY SALAD?

By: para2dise and inception101

I sat typing away at my laptop completley submerged in my work. I couldn't remember the last time I had slept or ate. My ears perked up as I heard the engine of a truck pass by my house. I looked out of my huge french windows and saw a big red moving truck pass by. 'Oh ! 'I thought unhappily , 'my everlasting silence would be interrupted by my new neighbour' . I hoped that they wouldn't make too much noise and disturb my writing. After all I had to submit my book to my editor by the end of the week and it was still in the initial stages.

I heard a knock on my door and on opening it i was overwhelmed by the sight in front of me. A big hulk of a man was leaning on my doorframe .He had a baby face but still managed to look intimidating while wearing a preppy orange polo t shirt.

I was assaulted as the hulk pulled me into a bone crushing hug which made me pull out my pepper spray. Put it down to reflexes.

"Hello miss. Id like to introduce myself to you, im your new neighbour, Emmett ." He said , while tipping an imaginary hat.

I smiled while cringing internally at his eagerness to become my friend. "Pleasure." I said aloud while offering my hand for him to shake.

He shook it almost breaking my bones with his big hands.

"Are u living by yourself?" I asked attempting to give a damn.

"No way miss! Most definitely not! I ve been living with my two brothers since they popped out of my moms hooha, if you know what i mean. "

I tried to smile at his attempt at a joke inwardly crying at how much precious time he was taking up.

He turned around and yelled out " Edward ! Jasper!come over here id like you to meet someone!

I inwardly groaned , more people to talk to.

My thoughts changed as 2 gorgeous guys walked over. The taller one was about 6'3 and muscular,messy sex hair that was bronze, bright green eyes and a jaw that could cut glass.

The other one was a midget in comparision , about 5'10 but more muscular .his hair was short ,blond and spiky . And his eyes were greenish blue.

Emmett introduced the taller one as Edward and the shorter one as jasper. I pretended to give a shit but all i wanted to do was finish my book.

I tapped my foot impatiently as I shook their hands . Couldn't they see I had things to do ,places to be ,people to meet!

Just then a pink porche turbo drew up along the foot path and out stepped James in all his tanned flamboyant glory back from his honeymoon with Jacob .

I had to say, marriage suited him well!

I internally rolled my eyes as he catwalked up to the threshold and purred at my new neighbors. He really had no limits!

I found myself remembering the time my best friend Alice tried to set us up on a blind date. How she didn't know he was obviously gay is still a source of wonder for me! After meeting James at the restaurant I was bluntly informed of his preffered gender and then we spent the rest of the evening people watching or rather man watching.

I must have been laughing aloud because when i came back to reality I found 4 pairs of eyes staring at me curiously.

I stared at them as if they were the ones with mental issues. As much as I wanted to gossip with James, finish my book and sleep I had to admit that Edward was very smart for a guy that looked so dumb. Maybe after I finished my book we could meet up.

James sashayed over and whistled at me hey honey I was right honeymoon sex is the best ever

Jacob is just perfect. Where is he anyway I wondered out loud. Oh he's at the office for an hour because his boss is complaining about how long he took of for. Oh! I exclaimed , these are my new neighbours Jasper, Edward and Emmett , pointing at them accordingly.

James eyed them carefully from head to toe raising his eyebrow at the appropriate areas. I thought he was going to make them spin around and remove their shirts or something .

Which wouldn't be to strange for him actually!

I stood there mulling over James possibly strange antics while stroking my imaginary beard like some monk deep in thought.

Just then I thought up of a fabulous way out from this pathetic excuse of " meeting the neighbors".

I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and fiddled around with a few keys to get exactly the sounds I wanted... The annoying wail of a baby which mirrors the screeching of a freaking banshee .

After the wailing started I received 4 odd looks... Hopefully they couldn't make out the noise was coming from my phone... Or maybe they could... Hmmmmm

I flapped my arms anxiously , tried my best to looks tired, worried and exhausted at once ( it wasn't pretty hard considering the long hours I had been putting in) and ran into the house shouting , " the baby! My baby , it needs something!"

And there was my first mistake in my brilliant plan to escape. What sort of fucktard calls their own child an it!

I don't have a baby in case your 're confused . I ran inside the house yelling "got to go ttyl" behind me. I can hear James' high pitched voice saying good bye before following me inside my house."whats wrong with you babe , those guys were Hawt with a capital H " Marc yelled at me. "Are u ok ?mentally ?, physically?, emotionally? If you are then tell me why on earth you ditched them."

"i need to focus on my book now I don't have time to interact with people "I snapped at Marc. Besides I was never a social person. Bit they were cute he whined.

"So butterflies huh how tiny are they ?!" I said subtlety switching topics . I don't think it worked because James just stared at me like what the fuck.

"You know butterflies aren't made from butter ,and dead are cray cray dahling!".

"Buts that's why we heart you James interrupted me and drew a heart on his t shirt with his left and right pointer fingers.

"Sure sure I said as I swatted his hands down . Anyway I've got to get back to work,.. My articles due soon !"

"But bellsypop can't u spend some more time with your newly married BFF who just has to tell you about it! "He whined in that godforsaken annoying tone of his

"Sorry Marc my schedule doesn't permit me to waste time talking about Jacob and his magic fingers! Latah dahling!"

"Whatever "he muttered to himself and sat down in the living room to watch some more of that over dramatic Japanese opera that he was forever watching! Just as I sat down to immerse my self in my work that damn doorbell rang. Again. Goddamnit "

I flung open the door and glared at those new dumbasses which by some unfortunate turn of events an become my neighbors . I looked up at the heavens and asked for some strength to deal with these asshats.

I turned to them and gave them my best polite smile which I usually reserved for granny newton down the road who had some vague idea that I had broken off a marriage with her grandson! Crazy peeps I tell you!

"Yes? Is there anything you d like... Apart from wasting my time ," I muttered under my breath

Emmett stuttered and said "I'm sorry ma'am

We didn't catch your name ?"

I gave him the cliche ," maybe because I didn't give it "and then gave him the bitchbrow .

Jasper butted in and said Rosie wanted us to give this to you good day and good bye!

"Wait "I shouted out ! "What's this ?"

"Um cookies" said Emmett. "Unless you don't like them and we can totally take them back so um."

"No it's fine but there was really no need ! After all aren't I supposed to bring something over for y'all ?! By the way the names Goddamnit. Bella goddamnit." I said

Obviously my surname wasn't goddamnit but it did have a good ring to it! After all who needed to now someone's real name!

Besides what if the were like crazy stalkers or rapists...?

Wait! they knew where I lived .i really am stupid.

Anyways Emmett , Jasper and the other one just stared at me like they had never heard the word goddammit used as someone's last name before. I was all like" why you be hatin on my last name yo ?"which got me more stares. I knew I was weird as my mother had me tested.

Edward interrupted my thoughts by saying "are you ok? U look a little fucked up in the face . I mean ,is that even an expression". " ex cuh use me "Marc joint in from behind me" my bfff may not be all right mentally but that does not mean you can be an ass about it ". " I think she looks all right to me " Eskimo or Edward piped in ."hey no one wants your opinion son" Emmett said to him . 'Son? I thought they were brothers 'i wondered to myself .

I didn't care enough to ask .

They basically left after that and James and I gossiped all day about Jacob until he came to take James home.

He was so whipped .

It wasn't until 2 days later that I actually saw my new neighbours Again and It was only because they were throwing a party.

So around 10 in the evening I'm sitting peace fully trying to complete my work because some people have big people jobs , when I hear some music pounding.

I was seriously pissed because it was interfering with my flow.

There are 3 kinds of flows:

1. Aunt flow

2. Chi flow

And 3. My writing flow

But here I'm talking about number 2 and 3 .

So I'm seriously ready to pound on their door and bring those bitches down but I first decide if I'm going to do it I may as well do it in style.

So I wear my dark wash skinny jeans , neon blue off shoulder top, a light pink knit beanie and my knee high black boots.

I opened my door and stomp over to my neighbors porch putting my best bitch face on.

What I don't see coming is a car ,as fast as a man hungry bull chasing the red cloth , at a fast speed if 10kmph.

As I form the simile in my head I smile to myself and think: that's what she said!

So the car comes and hits me below the knees and I feel my legs go weak.. Noodle legs as they're called.

In a desperate attempt to save myself I jump onto the windshield and roll twice before leaping of and face planting on the grassy floor.

The pain is searing and everything around me is fading into darkness. The last thing I remember seeing is the number plate of the car:-

HI-H8TRR Ohio .

I wake up to the sound of beeps and bops - beep beep bop bop . It's so catchy I start tapping out a rhythm on my stomach.

"She's awake" I heard a murmured sound above me eyes flash open and take in the scene in front of me. Edward ,Alice and the doctor stand at my bedside. Edward , holding my hand,Alice , massaging my feet and the doc playing with his stethoscope ."how long was i out?""3 days 8 hours 21 minutes and about 54 seconds" edward answered in his velvet tone. "Oh ed ever so precise"the doctor chimed in . " that's my old man" Edward said pointing to my doctor ." Wow! He's a hottie!" I exclaimed. Alice was still rubbing my feet and smiling at our playful conversation."I miss you ,ilysm"Alice said with love and adoration prominent in her tone."awww allie wish I could stay the same but I felt like I was fucking dead""


End file.
